I was eating my dinner at work tonight and thought how it would all change after surgery. Only being able to eat small amounts of food and choosing what to eat very carefully. Such small amounts and to eat protein first, Carbohydrates and fats will not be a sensible choice (perhaps that's a good thing, they contributed to where I am now)
I worry about watching my husband eat all this yummy (unhealthy) food and knowing I can't have it. Will I still be able to go out to a cafe and enjoy a coffee and something to eat?
I only have told 2 friends from work about the OP and they are sworn to secrecy, Aaron has told 2 of our friends (couples), but I do worry about sharing this news with others. People might think it's just me taking the 'easy' way out.
I know this surgery is just a 'tool', that it is still up to me to Exercise and control what I eat, but I think I'll get sick of explaining that to everyone. I have no idea if my family will be supportive of me, but I don't really care. If they don't have anything nice or supportive to say they will not be playing a huge part in my life while I go through this. I need to surround myself with supportive people (like my handsome man *sigh*) and my friends.
I am such a worrier, I worry something will go wrong, that I won't lose as much weight as they expect, or that I'll regain it further down the track. I cannot imagine what my body will look like in a smaller size. I'm a 26/28/30 now and I did get down to a size 20 in 2000, but that was 11 years ago and I know I felt great, but I can't picture what my body looked like (guess that wouldn't really help either as that size 20 body was pre kids) Will I have to rush out and buy new clothes as suddenly everything starts hanging off me or falling off me? How quickly will others notice the weight loss, what if no one notices!
I hope all of these thoughts are normal when approaching surgery, I do wonder if I'm doing the right thing......
Friday 4 November 2011
Wednesday 2 November 2011
How I started on this journey
I first started on this journey in 2007. I have been overweight since leaving College, and I began researching surgical options. I wrote a letter to my mum asking if she would seriously consider paying for surgery, she said No and that I should lose weight the 'old fashioned way' (diet and exercise).
I asked my GP if there was any publicly funded surgeries in my area, and he said no, but he would still do a referral to our DHB. A few months later I got a letter in the mail for an appointment at the hospital, when I rang up to see what it was for I was told Lap band surgery. I got very excited and eagerly awaited the 4 months for my appointment.
When the appointment came for me to see the surgeon, they said they still hadn't secured the funding for the surgery but were quite optimistic they would get it and were just getting together a list of candidates. Months passed and I heard nothing back, and my GP said he hadn't heard anything too, so I figured that option wasn't going to happen.
Out of the blue in early October I got a phone call from the hospital asking me if I still was keen on surgery and could they update my file, I said "YES" and they asked me a few questions over the phone (weight, health issues I was having), I was in a bit of shock so didn't really get the chance to ask any questions. The following week I was rung again and offered an appointment 'just to weigh and measure my height', so I turned up on a friday morning at 8.30 and had an appointment with a nurse. She said the my DHB wasn't able to get any funding, but a neighbouring (Larger) DHB had requested 4 possible candidates for surgery, so she asked me lots of questions, weighed me (on large equipment scales in the basement of the hospital-I felt humiliated being weighed there, my husband was with me for support and all I wanted to do was burst into tears when the scales showed I weighed 150kgs)
The nurse said the larger DHB wanted all this information by the following Monday and they could still say no, but to cross my fingers that they said yes. She then handed me a blood form and said go do this now (it would have been nice if they had of told me that when they gave me the appointment, they wanted a fasting blood test for Cholesterol, and I'd had a cup of coffee on the way to the hospital, grrrrr). When I informed the blood taker, she said 'Oh in that case, I won't take blood from you, you were meant to be fasting! I nearly burst into tears and explained how urgent the test was and that there was no other time for me to have the test (I was starting a 24 hour shift that afternoon), she took my blood (thankfully) and it was noted that it was non-fasting
I spent the next 2 weeks praying, sending out 'pick me, pick me' thoughts to the decision makers in the DHB, checking the letterbox each week in the hope of a letter or another appointment card arriving. finally on Friday the 23rd of October my home phone rang (I was on the toilet), so I yelled out to my husband "Answer it, it could be the hospital", he didn't want to answer it as it showed Private on the caller ID, I was pissed off at him, and said, if my cellphone rings, you'd better bloody answer it. Then I heard my cell phone ring, and Aaron came running to me (still on the toilet) and I answered it. For some reason I didn't think it was the call I was expecting and I shook my head as I listened to the person on the phone say hello, this is such and such from the hospital, we have an appointment available for you to see a surgeon on the 18th of November. I was in a bit of shock and said yes, that's fine, thank you very much and the phone call ended. I looked at my husband and said AAARRRGGGGHHH that was the hospital, I have an appointment to see a surgeon. He got really excited and me, still in shock said but that doesn't mean I get surgery does it?
I thought I would feel more excited when I got this news, but all of a sudden all I felt was dread. My husband said "this has been your dream for such a long time and now it's becoming a reality.
I asked my GP if there was any publicly funded surgeries in my area, and he said no, but he would still do a referral to our DHB. A few months later I got a letter in the mail for an appointment at the hospital, when I rang up to see what it was for I was told Lap band surgery. I got very excited and eagerly awaited the 4 months for my appointment.
When the appointment came for me to see the surgeon, they said they still hadn't secured the funding for the surgery but were quite optimistic they would get it and were just getting together a list of candidates. Months passed and I heard nothing back, and my GP said he hadn't heard anything too, so I figured that option wasn't going to happen.
Out of the blue in early October I got a phone call from the hospital asking me if I still was keen on surgery and could they update my file, I said "YES" and they asked me a few questions over the phone (weight, health issues I was having), I was in a bit of shock so didn't really get the chance to ask any questions. The following week I was rung again and offered an appointment 'just to weigh and measure my height', so I turned up on a friday morning at 8.30 and had an appointment with a nurse. She said the my DHB wasn't able to get any funding, but a neighbouring (Larger) DHB had requested 4 possible candidates for surgery, so she asked me lots of questions, weighed me (on large equipment scales in the basement of the hospital-I felt humiliated being weighed there, my husband was with me for support and all I wanted to do was burst into tears when the scales showed I weighed 150kgs)
The nurse said the larger DHB wanted all this information by the following Monday and they could still say no, but to cross my fingers that they said yes. She then handed me a blood form and said go do this now (it would have been nice if they had of told me that when they gave me the appointment, they wanted a fasting blood test for Cholesterol, and I'd had a cup of coffee on the way to the hospital, grrrrr). When I informed the blood taker, she said 'Oh in that case, I won't take blood from you, you were meant to be fasting! I nearly burst into tears and explained how urgent the test was and that there was no other time for me to have the test (I was starting a 24 hour shift that afternoon), she took my blood (thankfully) and it was noted that it was non-fasting
I spent the next 2 weeks praying, sending out 'pick me, pick me' thoughts to the decision makers in the DHB, checking the letterbox each week in the hope of a letter or another appointment card arriving. finally on Friday the 23rd of October my home phone rang (I was on the toilet), so I yelled out to my husband "Answer it, it could be the hospital", he didn't want to answer it as it showed Private on the caller ID, I was pissed off at him, and said, if my cellphone rings, you'd better bloody answer it. Then I heard my cell phone ring, and Aaron came running to me (still on the toilet) and I answered it. For some reason I didn't think it was the call I was expecting and I shook my head as I listened to the person on the phone say hello, this is such and such from the hospital, we have an appointment available for you to see a surgeon on the 18th of November. I was in a bit of shock and said yes, that's fine, thank you very much and the phone call ended. I looked at my husband and said AAARRRGGGGHHH that was the hospital, I have an appointment to see a surgeon. He got really excited and me, still in shock said but that doesn't mean I get surgery does it?
I thought I would feel more excited when I got this news, but all of a sudden all I felt was dread. My husband said "this has been your dream for such a long time and now it's becoming a reality.
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